Conditional Self Love

Children are sponges, I think we all can agree on that. In our adult life, there usually comes a time where we do something and think "Oh I am becoming my mother, or I am just like my father." This is because from the moment we are born, our first instinct is to learn through imitation. Now this imitation expands into the form of adopting thought patterns and mental habits.


In this post I am going to be talking specifically about conditional self love. Today we see the term "self Love" pushed out everywhere, which I love don't get me wrong, but what matters is true self love. Self acceptance and understanding. A never ending compassion towards ones actions and thoughts that can then be expressed outwardly towards others! For I find personally the judgements I make upon others are often judgements of myself. A Mirror concept you may or may not be familiar with.


So I've talked a little about actual self love. What is conditional self love? Instead of love for self simply existing, there are terms and conditions, an "if" statement, or it acts as a reward. The terms and conditions walk hand in hand with the "if" statement. This conditional love may show up as.


  • I'll love myself if I lose weight.

  • I'll Love myself if I'm the smartest in class.

  • I'll love myself when I stop binge eating.


Conditional love has conditions. [Wild I know] Simply put - I only love myself when/if this "condition" is true/exists.

We may not recognize these thought patterns because they are more likely to present themselves in a form of self hatred. We experience conditional love when we put on a pair of pants that don't fit, look in the mirror with hatred, judgment and negative emotions. This is what we experience and the thought form that it reinforces is - I'll love myself when these jeans fit.


The other form of conditional self love that appears in our life is love as a reward! I'm as much of a fan of "Treat yo self," as the next person - but this has transformed into a strong toxic form of self love. First I'll explain the conditional way to go about it, then end on a happy note with how to use "treat yo self" for true self love.


The reward concept. An act of self love is used as a reward to offer motivation. Example - I love chips and hated reading in high school. So I would sit with a bag of chips when I had to read for school and when I finished a page I ate a chip. Self love - giving myself chips as motivation to read a page.


This is a very straightforward way of showing up, but it may not always be that clear. So let's use the treat yo self method.


  • I got a raise - Treat yo self

  • I deserve this b/c I had a rough day - Treat yo self

  • I didn't eat that cupcake - treat yo self.


With conditional self love there is a reward and an explanation of justification.

Now we see that bag we bought because we got a raise was conditional and without the raise we wouldn't have treated ourselves to that form of self love.


How do we "treat yo self" in a pure way - remove the conditions. Simply partake in the act of self love because you want to! Not because you're fabulous, or did a good job at work, or you're the quarantine queen. Do it for the act of love simply because you can and want to - without explanation or justification.


We are all divine human beings that deserve what we want. It's when we introduce conditional self love that we open ourselves to self hatred as well.


We all are capable of shifting to a place of self love love and it is a necessity as the way we treat ourselves is how we often treat others.


Take the time each day to remember and remind yourself how divine you are and how magical this life truly is! We can and do create the reality we live in and we constantly lead by example. Do it for yourself - your child - your partner - the world. We are all connected and by raising your consciousness to this level of understanding you're helping the cosmic consciousness as well.


Recognize your conditions and release them.

With Love xx







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