On July 16th 2019, I turned 23 years old. I went to brunch with my friend Olen who happened to be in town that week. I wish I would have known this would be one of the last meals I’d enjoy for awhile. That sounds dramatic, but it couldn’t have been more true.
The 16th was a Tuesday and in the following days I began to feel nauseous. My appetite went to nothing and my overall desire to eat disappeared. I was confused because I was groomed to believe pregnancy was a time of cravings and weight gain and overconsumption. Most would agree that is a normal societal belief. It was now time to challenge everything I thought I knew and open up to allowing my experience to be my experience.
Sickness doesn’t just happen to happen. It’s funny because from a lot of what I researched, physical science doesn't understand why morning sickness happens. Some say it's fluctuating hormones or the fact we fast overnight. Yet overall there really is no set reason why it happens and doesn’t happen to some.
In situations like these, I believe there is a spiritual process going on that science simply has yet to explain.
The following Sunday I puked for the first time. As soon as the first wave came through, I knew it was certainly not the last. From that day on, every day to every other day I would throw up no more than twice. This was accompanied by the all day feeling of nausea. The easiest way to describe how I felt was that for about two months straight I felt like I had a pretty bad hangover. The previous year I had given up drinking because I hated the feeling of being hung over, and now I was experiencing that sensation every single day.
The amount of food I could eat became so little that quickly my vomit turned to either white foam, liquid, or bile. This felt alarming because how could I provide nutrients to a growing baby if I was unable to even provide nutrients to myself.
Within that first month of morning sickness, I lost 10lbs. I started out at 129lbs and at my first sonogram I weighed in at 119. I haven't weighed that much since early high school.
Even though this all made me nervous, I felt comforted by the fact that I was still going to the bathroom regularly. This meant I was keeping down something and I had to put my faith and trust into knowing it was enough for my baby and I.
Everything I just spoke of above cover the physical aspects of what I’d call morning sickness. Now I’ll explain where it all stems from which is the spiritual transition from maiden to mother.
When a woman enters her first pregnancy, an energetic shift occurs that transitions one from a maiden to a mother. Throughout a woman's life she will make two big transitions, and this is the first. The other would be from mother to crown which occurs later is one's life.
When you think of the maiden, you think of an individual female. She may carry a particular sense of youth as this period ranges from birth to motherhood. There are differences between a maiden and a mother, so when you energetically transition, there are sometimes aspects or parts of who you are that are no longer necessary. For instance you may have patterns of thinking that were suitable for your maiden life, but no longer serve a purpose as you enter into motherhood. A physical way to relate to the concept is like cleaning out a closet. When you start buying clothes to fit your growing baby bump, that would also be a good time to let go of old clothes from college, high school, or even middle school if any remain. This concept appears on an energetic level.
Personally whenever I have gone through big changes spiritually, There’s usually a form of a physical purge that is associated with it. Based on this, I have come to the conclusion that morning sickness is the physical purge of maidenship to prepare ones energetic body for motherhood. During this time of purging, I often felt like I was drawn into an emotional state of being. Questions began to arise and sometimes answers along with them. The more and more I physically purged, the more I could feel myself changing. My body was altering itself and my mind was right there with it. With this understanding we can begin to appreciate morning sickness and see it as a time of death and rebirth. May all the thought patterns that are no longer serving exit our mind through the physical purge we go through.
When we allow new energies to enter into our field this can be distorting and confusing to the body. My explanation, nausea. To me nausea is a distortion of your energetic field, and this can be both good and bad. It’s hard to ignore nausea because you’re not supposed to ignore the energetic shift going on. When a sensation becomes persistent within the body, that is because it is attention seeking. Each woman has a spiritual journey and process of her own to go through, which explains why pregnancy can have an array of signs and symptoms. If this resonates with you and you need assistance in processing your own changes, please reach out to either myself for someone that you feel comfortable talking to.